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Things a
Dog Must Remember
-I will not
play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when
he's on the toilet.
-The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
-I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
-I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
-I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE
entering the house.
-I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of
someone who is sitting on the toilet.
-I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
-I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
-I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
-I will not throw up in the car.
-I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
-"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
-I will not eat any more socks and then redeposit them in
the backyard after processing.
-The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
-I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
-I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
-When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
-We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear
one on TV.
-I will not steal my Mom's underwear and dance all over the
backyard with it.
-The sofa is
not a face towel. Neither are Mom & Dad's laps.
-My head does not belong in the refrigerator, dishwasher
or trashcan.
-I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for
Mom's driver's license and car registration.
-I will not spend more than 5 minutes trying to find the
"perfect" place to poop.
-I will not eat other animals' poop.
-I will not take off while on leash to chase squirrels while
Mommy is standing on a slippery grass slope. |
